


lord of the sacred crotch side story

by Pyrodarknessanny



Series: Pissant Federation [5]
Category: Destroy All Humans! (Video Game), Invader Zim
Genre: One Off, Other, Spoof, shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:55:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23663494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pyrodarknessanny/pseuds/Pyrodarknessanny
Summary: just a silly one off idea that demanded to be penned out!Adzuki seeks the divine  to improve her love life.
Series: Pissant Federation [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588363
Comments: 2
Kudos: 2





	lord of the sacred crotch side story

Lord of the sacred crotch.  
  
  
having obtained an ancient Furon idol Adzuki explains to Moofy the obscure and long since forgotten cult of Arkvoodle lord of the sacred crotch Moofy is notably less enthusiastic about the strange discovery as the stone idol has an unfortunate and somewhat offensive shape to it.  
  
Adzuki: check out this neat artifact I got from the junk shop Moofs  
Moofy: you stole that …didn’t you .  
  
quick flash back so Adzuki eyeing off some Knick knacks on an over crowded shelf in a dusty old antiques store upon noticing the strange stone statuette she shiftily looks around to make sure no one is watching her then promptly stuffs the stone idol in her jacket and exits the store.   
  
Adzuki: no  
Moofy: Adzuki ….  
Adzuki: ok , ok I swiped it. its not like they’ll miss it I bet they didn’t even realise what it even was  
Moofy: and I suppose you do then?  
Adzuki: pfffft , of course I know what this it!. it’s a worship idol   
Moofy: uhh it looks very phallic  
  
Adzuki grins deviously as she holds the stone idol as tho it were a dick rolling her thumb over the polished surface of the figures head.  
  
Adzuki: hmm yeah you might be on to something Moof. This thing is probably just some old as fuck dildo after all.   
  
Moofy: that’s disgusting why did you even want it in the first place?  
Adzuki: eh I dunno it just sort of caught my eye and I HAD to HAVE IT. ya’know  
Moofy: dose your kleptomania know no bounds? …. Really think you should return it.  
Adzuki: awe , but the little guy is growing on me. Im gunna keep him!  
Moofy: why!. Its ugly and you have no idea where its been  
Adzuki: no … but I know where its going!  
Moofy: urrh …. Why do you insist on being so crass.  
  
  
at that moment the stone figurine responded to Adzukis idol fondling of it and vaguely sexual puns causing it to activate. The figurine begins to vibrate emitting a low orange glow as a booming voice can be heard.  
  
Voice: WHO DARES TO AROUSE THE LORD OF THE SACRED CROTCH  
  
the sudden outburst startles both Moofy and Adzuki who nearly drops the stone figure that is now vibrating intensely.  
  
Adzuki: the dildo speaks! that’s an unusual feature … not sure if I’m into that though.  
Voice: I AM NOT A DILDO!  
Adzuki: hey buddy’ any things a dildo if your brave enough!  
Moofy: Adzuki … your going to make it mad!  
  
Voice: you know there was a time when folks showed a little respect to their elder gods!  
Adzuki: I’m sorry I just ….. couldn’t resist the urge   
  
the ruby eyed alate has a cheesy grin on her face as she waits for the terrible pun to register.  
Moofy looks as thou she is about to die from embarrassment as adzuki continues to make bad word plays.  
  
Adzuki: *clearing throat* if my sources are correct, you’re a Furon deity Right?  
Voice: so you have heard of the great Arkvoodle then.  
Adzuki: I KNEW IT! …. Oh magnificent girthy one grant me your blessings!  
  
Moofy: wait ..whoa up,. I didn’t take you as the religious type Adzuki.  
Adzuki: I’m not but our old friend Arkvoolde here is my kind of divine entity  
Moofy: uhhh  
Adzuki: he’s a boner-fied sex god!  
Arkvoodle : fertility god  
Adzuki: same thing  
Moofy: oh! … so that’s what you wanted it for … but I thought  
Adzuki: there is always a more intense orgasm Moofy I haven’t even approached my peak yet.  
Moofy: there you go being crass again, you really think some crusty old Furon deity can improve your sex life?   
Arkvoodle: WHO ARE YOU CALLING CRUSTY?!  
Adzuki: look Moof I’ll try anything once and I do mean anything. I truly believe that with the help of our most enormous one I can reach those heights that I seek. So what do you say o’lord of the sacred crotch. Will you bestow unto me your heavenly blessings.  
Moofy: wow you really are serious about this huh?  
Arkvoodle: SCILENCE!  
  
both Moofy and Adzuki watch in silent awe as the stone idol glows more strongly still vibrating.  
the warm orange glow gets brighter bathing them both in its divine light.  
  
Arkvoodle: Adzuki Irken slight of hand, you are already blessed with a rich yet fruitless sex life you fornicate most freely what more is there to offer you.  
  
Adzuki: fruitless?! ….. oh.. right you can tell?  
Arkvoodle : well I wouldn’t be a very good fertility god if I couldn’t that’s kind of my whole bit you know! You know the limitations of your union yet you still seek my blessings what is it that you peruse so relentlessly  
Adzuki: oh virile one please grant me the gift of the ultimate orgasm! I wish to experience a climax so legendary that the ground beneath me may tremble and that the heavens above may open forth!  
  
there as an awkward moment of silence as the strange glow shifts colour from orange , to white to pink , Adzuki turns to Moofy who shrugs eventually Arkvoodle speaks.

Arkvoodle: Adzuki , irken slight of hand this blessing I cannot offer you!  
  
the ruby eyed alate is floored by this announcement she had such high hopes for achieving her goal.  
  
Adzuki: …….. what ?  
  
Arkvoodle: for this blessing you already possess.  
Adzuki: but how?  
Arkvoodle: you must first realise your feelings , your union is strong but you will never achieve it's full potential while your heart is stifled.  
Adzuki: my feelings?  
Arkvoodle: YES! GOD DAMMN! Why are Irkens so difficult. If you want to cum hard you must first embrace your love for your partner … it's really not a difficult concept.   
  
Adzuki: ok, ok I get it! get off my dick about it.  
Arkvoodle : your DICK?  
Adzuki: uh… one more thing … oh libidinous one  
  
there is another pause this time not as long as the last as Arkvoodle reads her mind for the difficult and personal question she has.   
  
Arkvoodle : a fertile field must first be seeded if anything is to grow.  
  
with that the glowing recedes and the stone idol stops vibrating Arkvoodle has left.  
  
Moofy has an intrigued look on her face she had been sure at first that this whole thing was a joke and that Adzuki was just having her on. But bearing witness to something so miraculous she is taken back. The ruby eyed alate had been very serious about the whole matter it humbled Moofy to see the hot headed and brash Adzuki call upon such a force.  
  
  
  
  



End file.
